A Letter to Satan

Hey party people!!!! Now that Halloween is over it is time to get the Christmas season rolling!!! Time to get SUPER EXCITED for a fat man with a beard to break into all of our homes, but instead of stealing all of our valuable items he's gonna leave us with some new shiny new toys we all so desperately do not need! 

Anyway, Christmas is right around the corner and it always gets me thinking about my childhood. As a little kid, I always looked forward to Christmas! On Christmas Eve, I would go on this website that let you "track" Santa’s location!  I was absolutely one of the kids that believed, the red flashing light I saw out my window, on the plane that was flying over my house, was actually Rudolph pulling Santa’s Sleigh! I couldn’t wait for Christmas morning! It was always so exciting to come out and see all the gifts under our beautiful tree! I could barely contain myself as I ripped open the packages to see if Santa did in fact bring me just what I asked for! But has anyone ever thought of the trouble a dyslexic puts Santa, and their parents, through for that matter when writing a Christmas list?

SIDE NOTE: Yes, all kids SUCK at spelling when they are younger but imagine the struggle of a child learning to spell and being dyslexic...AWFUL I know. 

As much as I hated reading and writing, the Christmas List to Santa was an exception. I loved writing my list of things and then putting it in an envelope and sending it to the North Pole-with very high hopes that I would get it all!!!   Now, when writing a Christmas list everyone knows you always have to start the letter with "Dear Santa.” And every kid who sends a letter is sure they are on the good list and not the naughty one. But what list are you on and more importantly what kinds of gifts do you think a dyslexic would get when writing their list to "Dear Satan"??? We are already off to a bad start and he hasn’t even read my letter or looked in his big book to see what list I am on!  Oh, but the troubles do NOT stop there! TRUST ME!

SIDE NOTE: Where do all the letters written to “Satan” instead of “Santa” Go?

Every year for as long as I could remember I always asked for a dog for Christmas, but never received one. You can only imagine how upset I was every Christmas morning when all the presents were open and no dog was found, but now that I'm thinking about it, it was probably because my dyslexic self kept asking "Satan " for a "God" instead of a dog. Classic mix-up I know! Pretty ironic don’t you think!

SIDE NOTE:  One Christmas when I was 11, I opened a box that contained a dog collar. I tried to be excited for what I thought was a choker or bracelet for me! (My parents and sister got a big laugh out of that one!) But, this was the year I finally got a dog. I guess it was also the year I learned to spell dog correctly and Santa for that matter!

Back to a dyslexics Christmas list, signing the list you send to Santa was a big deal and a VERY important part to the list because you ALWAYS want Santa to know who asked for the presents. But as a dyslexic and a little kid learning how to spell, you can probably guess what I'm about to say, but YEP my name was NEVER spelled right...so maybe that is why I never got the dog or the house for my Polly Pockets, I always signed my Christmas list "Love Lay." 

 So when your siblings are getting everything they put on their Christmas List!  And instead of those really cool glow-in-the-dark “star” stickers that stick onto the ceiling, you're receiving glow-in-the dark “rats” stickers don’t let it get you down! Be more like Rudolph and let your light shine on Christmas and all year round! Cause Rudolph was special too!

 And that’s Aly’s eye view!

Literally My Life!

I'm so sorry for keeping you all waiting; so just hold your horses - DO NOT worry I am BACK!!! Honestly, I wasn’t trying to weasel out of another entry; I just had a lot of work to do and decided I'LL WAIT to write my next one. Early on this semester, I was assigned 20 pages of reading and it took my slow dyslexic ass literally 20 days to read it! YES - that’s one page a day. I wasn't kidding when I said dyslexics have NO speed when it comes to reading. But I'm back!! 

Today, I wanted to let you in on another interesting trait about dyslexia or maybe it's just about me and I say it’s because of my dyslexia. I take everything WAY too literal...LIKE WAY too literal. Maybe it’s because my vocabulary wasn’t very large since I really didn’t read a lot or maybe my critical thinking skills were poor but whatever the reason I took (and kinda sometimes still do take) things at face value!  I’m not saying I am so literal that I don’t understand puns and idioms, although I do have to think twice about them when I am reading, (but when I was younger, my mental picture of someone “laughing their head off” really did include their head falling off their shoulder and that was so sad!! LOL!) I also remember my parents telling me on many occasions I needed to get a sense of humor – fast forward ten years and I can turn my dinner table into my own comedy club stage! Anyway, there are a bunch of stories I can tell you but reading sucks so I won't make you amazing people read too much... YOU'RE WELCOME!! I’ll just tell you a few and you be the judge!

SO, let's start from the beginning...when I was younger probably around the age of 3, (NO, I don't remember doing this personally, but I was told by my mother and others!) I was in preschool, and my sister who is a year older than me, had already gotten moved up to the kindergarten class when she was my age! (Genius, I know!!) And I wanted to be in kindergarten with my sister so bad – so what did I do, probably what any other 3 year old would do! I scheduled a meeting with the owner/principal of the preschool to talk to her about my request! Anyway, I went into my "meeting" and asked if I could be moved into my sister’s class. Now, so you know- the wallpaper border around her office was that preschool type with alphabet letters beside the pictures of associated sounds. (You know A for Apple) - She looked at me and said, "Okay Aly, I can move you into kindergarten, but before I can you need to tell me something. (She pointed to the wallpaper letter border) What are the sounds of the letters in the alphabet?" What???? Well, I sweetly responded "Ms. Sarita, if YOU don't know the ABC's how AM I supposed to know them??? I’m never gonna be in kindergarten!" and turned around and walked out.

SIDE NOTE: How FREAKIN’ mature of me was it to make an appointment with the principal??? Like come on I was a pretty bold kid!

You would think it stopped there - the stories - but NO there’s more!! ...I was taking a placement test when I was around 4 for the school I ended up going to for basically my entire life. There were two parts - a written and an oral test. At the time I felt some of the questions they asked me were very unreasonable to say the least, but whatever! Anyway, during the oral portion, the teacher asked me where I lived, and I simply replied "Earth! " Which by the way, I think is one of the smartest answers a 4 year old could have given. She then asked me if I could stand up for her and say my ABC's backwards...BACKWARDS... like what kind of STUPID QUESTION IS THAT??? But I was obviously not gonna let her fool me, so I oh so confidently stood up, turned around (facing away from her) and sang the ABC's! When she met with my mom, she did say that although the answers were not what they were looking for, they had to give me credit because they were not wrong!

SIDE NOTE: She never specified that I had to start from the letter "Z" so I started from "A" and had my back facing her. CLEVER HUH!!!!

But if you think being literal stops, as you get older – think again my friends!! Just this year I had a question in my college Theology class. “The Hebrew names for the ______ (number) books of the Torah are derived from their respective “incipits”.” I read that to mean the name of the Book of Numbers so I wrote Bemidbar! OKAY so --- The answer was 5!  Part literal meaning and part poor reading contributed to that little mistake! On the good side my professor did commend me for practicing my Hebrew!

So I guess the takeaway from all this and also a LITERAL life lesson is to mean what you say and say what you mean! It’s not just dyslexics that like people to speak clearly and honestly. And that’s Aly’s eye view!

I Saw the Sign...or NOT

Yo peeps I am back! And I want to talk about signs! One of the issues with dyslexia is the speed that you read. Docs call it fluency (a little vocab lesson for you fab people out there...you're welcome). Anyway, to say I am a speedy reader...well you can't say that! In fact, when I was in 5th grade my teacher yelled at me because it took me too long to read a paragraph I was given- she ACTUALLY said "because Aly read so slow I don't have time to finish!"

SIDE NOTE: ( Yo Miss B*^% - her name actually started with a B! - you never give a dyslexic something to read out loud without advanced notice, you'll be there for HOURS! )

Anyway, this speed thing is a constant issue especially when it comes to signs! 

This one time when I was younger I was REALLY craving some ice cream.

SIDE NOTE: I am also lactose intolerant so ice cream isn't my best friend! Btw, I just spent 5 minutes trying to figure out how to spell lactose intolerant...and you can laugh at me it's okay, trust me I did, because the way I spelt it before DOESN'T EVEN LOOK RIGHT and spell check couldn't even understand what I was trying to get at! Good thing "lactose and tolerant" doesn't make any damn sense, and I've also just learned I have been pronouncing it wrong my entire life...COOL! 

Back to the story about ice cream...I got into the car after school and asked my mom if she could take me to Cold Stones before practice, but she told me that there is no way she is driving that far out of the way just for ice cream (EXTREMELY rude, I know UGH). But I kept insisting that there was a Cold Stone right down the street (which there wasn't, SHOCKER), anyway my mom told me to point it out to her. So as we got to where I THOUGHT there was a Cold Stone, I pointed out the place saying "look mom I told you." She turned to me and says..."Alexandra that says, CD Warehouse." 

Let me just explain why I thought it said Cold Stones. We were driving 50 miles an hour and reading signs takes speed which I've already explained I don't have. The writing of Cold Stones is red and the writing of CD Warehouse was also red. Both words start with the letter "C". And if I'm being completely honest I decided NOT to read the entire word. As a result - my ice cream dreams melted! 


I think these frequent sign misreadings were really funny to my family because they seem to remember tons of times it has happened! Like the time we were driving past a building that had a sign on the top of it and I asked "why would they have showers in that building?" And NO surprise my mom turns to me and says, "Aly that said showroom!" Again - we.were.driving! I had to read quickly, I only got so far! Sue me! 
As you can see Aly's eye view isn't the clearest thing sometimes, but as I see it, my interpretations make my life very interesting. So I guess the key to life is like the key to reading signs with dyslexia, just slow down! And that's Aly's eye view!